The White Field

Do you not say, "There are yet four months, then comes the harvest"? Look, I tell you, lift up you eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest. Already the one who reaps is receiving wages and gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together... I sent you to reap that for which you did not labor. John 4:35-36, 38b

My heart is challenged to lay old of this word. Something groaned, twisted, pounded on my heart when I read this verse. I had been saying since a few months back that, "It is time. It is time. We have reached God's appointed time." The stirring in my spirit confirms it. The circumstances are very encouraging, even miraculous at times, but there is still that part of me that whispers under its breath, while hoping no one would hear its cowardice, "It's just too good to be true. Is there a catch? Do I have what it takes to flow with what God is doing?" To say I am overwhelmed would be an understatement. I gasp at the sense of amazement. And I am scared, freaking scared at the awesomeness of what God is speaking, and the irony of a sense of rawness in my preparation. At this point in my life, I still manage to get myself into the mess of neglected priorities, nagging addictions, ungodly self centerdness, inconsistent performance, even to the point where I'm embarrassed to admit the fruits of the above reflected in my work, walk, and witness. At this point of crucial undertakings, what am I doing, suddenly losing the discipline I had worked hard for? But God, is He not wise that He in advance had already perceived these struggles I would have? But God, He could not be trying to push something that He is having second thoughts toward, right? He is not man that He should feel pressured to push through against favorable conditions? He is the unchallenged sovereign of the universe and He has always chosen to use the foolish things of this world. His plans have craftiness that is beyond our wisdom and years on Earth as humanity. I must concede to His will. To His desire to do it now. And to His choice to use me for this great disruption in history. In the end, it's not about me and my inadequacies and doubts. It's time to let Him tell us what it's all about. It's about His glory.